I have a curious mind and being a Gemini a gazillion random thoughts on the go at any one time. I am the person who googles if penguins have knees? How the word CAMP came to be used for gay men, why we call camping….camping.
I get that everyone has a unique point of view on topics, thoughts and situations and blogging can become therapeutic, interactive and a totally different perspective.
For me, when I first started to feel that spark with a woman after only previously liking men I was confused, overwhelmed and desperate to label it. I did what I would always do….. googled it.
I didn’t find any other confused, muddled mind person in this situation anywhere with the searches I tried. I found that strange. Then the mind started, how many people are googling this? How do you navigate this? I know I’m not the only one.
So the blog started. I wanted there to be at least one other perspective and a sense of normalcy for the chaos that was in my mind out there for someone to google and find if they were in the same situation so that they didn’t feel alone.
I know like everyone my story is unique for me and I love reading back on where we were at a particular point in time on our journey. I love that people interact with me and I find other people who just get it……
Reading other people blogs satisfies my curiosities on why people do the things they do and form the opinions they have. Sometimes it sparks another tangent in my mind and leads to a google fest.
But why do you blog? The chance to be heard, the escape, the anonymity, a footprint to prove you were here, to calm your chaotic mind?
Would love to hear your perspective and now I may even go and google…….. why people blog?
Two Years On……
We are two years into our life together.
What a two years it has been…..
Did I think it would last….. Yes I did. I’ve never been so content and self assured in a relationship before. I’ve never had the intimacy, the support or the understanding before. A real genuine partnership where we converse and compromise like adults.
I don’t know if that’s because she’s a woman and wired differently or just because she’s my soul mate.
Either way I’m so glad that I took a chance on everything I considered normal and conforming for society.
Two years on do I now consider myself a lesbian?… No.
I believe I am gender neutral In terms of love. I fell In Love with the best person in the world. She just happened to be a girl….
What a fun exploration in every way that has been…..
So I’m sure you are wondering how my daughter has taken this whole situation.
Well she’s 4 so she’s pretty accepting. She’s never seen me with a partner so it’s all new to her.
She took a liking to Justene straight away when we were just friends. Justene has chosen to not have her own children so it was a change for her too.
She learned very quickly there is no censoring, privacy or secrets with a 4 year old in the house.
First up I don’t hide things from my daughter, that only breeds further curiosity, I try to explain things to her in her own relatable language.
Some of her questions:
” mum is Justene your best friend?”
My answer: No she’s my princess. Mummy was married to daddy who was her prince but daddy chose to live with another princess so now instead of a prince, mummy now has a princess.
“Mum why don’t your boobs squash down like Justene’s and grandmas”?
Me: ummm well mummy has had an operation to fix her boobs.
” Justene why don’t you have any clothes on?”
Justene: saves on washing…
One day a couple of month in I hear her on the phone to her dad who out of courtesy I had let know I was now in a relationship. ( did not specify gender).
Dad you know Justene is my other mum? I didn’t come out of her belly so she’s not my real mum and I call her Justene but she’s my other mum and we are a family?
I was stunned as I’d never heard her say this out loud and it was never anything I had said to her.
Even my mum has commented at how well adjusted and complete my daughter seems now thriving in a family environment.
In our house Saturday is chore day. We all have jobs to clean the house with the jukebox pumping, tending to our zoo. 5 cats, 2 turtles, 2 guinea pigs and 1 dog.
Sunday is family day which means just music, no iPads, no tv. We go out the the beach together or a theme park. Whatever we do we all do together. Some afternoons our daughter and Justene play video games together.
Our daughter tells my mum, how lucky am I to have two mums, not everybody has two mums.
I’m not afraid at what awaits her starting school next year as I’m honest with her with any concerns she may have.
We are a happy little family paving our way through life and into our future….together.
For such a long time,
I forgot how to smile,
I forgot how to really live,
Nothing seemed worthwhile.
I endured years of existing,
A broken and shattered mirror,
There was no sunshine,
Just years of cold dark winter.
I wallowed for too long,
And slowly rejoined the world,
And out of the blue so unexpected,
Came the most beautiful girl.
She warmed my frozen heart,
And bought a ray of light,
She healed my blank eyes,
Opened them up for sight.
Sight to see the beauty,
In the life together we could build,
The love of another,
Broke the protective shield.
For her I am open,
I’ll give her everything,
Love her, cherish her, appreciate her,
Her life’s song I will sing.
An unbreakable bond we share,
Whether it’s fleeting or forever,
Heaven has only seemed real to me,
Since we’ve been together.
I love her smile, her heart,
Her beautiful words and face,
Shes the one you meet and instantly know,
She’s the one you can never replace.
I will forever be grateful to her,
For breathing life in to me,
For showing me love and hope,
And for seeing and accepting, just me.
For letting me break down some of her walls,
And know her intimately,
For sharing with me her secrets untold,
For letting me love her unconditionally.
She’s a labyrinth I’ll happily explore,
For with her I always want more,
A once in a lifetime love,
Like never I’ve had before.
I’m the happiest and fulfilled I’ve ever been,
For the future I’m finally keen,
My dream of family fulfilled,
By my beautiful girl justene.
Me (middle) with my beautiful girls.