Things I don’t miss about being with a man……

This is no way a man bashing blog and I don’t hate men at all but this is just my personal view on what I don’t miss about being with a man vs being with a woman.

😴 I don’t miss clock watching. You know ladies especially those of you married or in longer term relationships, we’ve all done it. You’re tired but the whinging has worn you down. You get ready for the mounting then pump pump pump, break, pump pump pump, break, pump pump pump, insert a ooh and an ahh. Look at clock thinking it’s ok only 2 mins to go. Pump pump pump, break. Pump pump,pump, groan, ohh ahh, wriggle a bit, pull him closer so he can’t see your face clock watching. Pump pump pump, break, faster pumping groan, fake your ohh and ahh one last time ………..pump it’s all over. Well that is 10 mins of my life I’ll never get back. Now to ignore the snoring next to you…..

💧Oh I so don’t miss getting up after the clock watching and having sticky legs and that oh so familiar glug running down your leg….. And don’t even get me started on the smell of come…….ewww.

🚁 I don’t miss him getting out the shower and swinging it around like a helicopter saying very suggestively ” come here”……

🎱 I don’t miss saggy, sweaty stray haired balls.

🏄 I don’t miss him checking my pill so he can check out the 7 day forecast of getting his dick wet.

😵 I don’t miss the sloth on the couch that has worked his day as I have too. Only while he’s slothing, I’m washing, cleaning,making dinner, doing dishes, paying bills then eventually falling into bed where he already is by now snoring because his balls have fallen over his hairy arsehole creating vapour lock. I slide in and he turns over to cuddle me and I think oh this is nice, I need this………. Oh fuck what’s that sticking into my back………. Moment over…… He just can’t cuddle……ever.

👀 the man look….. Must I find everything….. Open your eyes, Bend your back, your arms and legs are not painted on…..

🙅The overbearing mother in law who’s baby boy can do no wrong.

🙈 Whiskers in the bathroom sink or whisker rash down there……..

😰 The dead arm when you think a hand job will be easier……..

😆My husband called his dick “Winky”. WTF what a pussy name for a cock. Pet names I don’t miss…… Lol

🙉 I don’t miss the never ending merry go round argument of ” I never get sex”. Well fuck knuckle if you don’t show me emotion and intimacy without the expectation of sex occasionally I’m not going to want to have sex.
He says” Well if I don’t get sex I don’t want to do the emotional and intimate shit with no gain” neither one of us budges. Welcome to the dizzying merry go round sex life of this married couple.

🍷I don’t miss the whole mentality of well if I wine and dine you, you will so 69 me.

👎I’m not the only one. Friends have had similar experiences.
*One friend upon telling her husband she had her period got asked well do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow?
* Another’s boyfriend walks up behind her on the couch, slaps his dick on her shoulder and then her face and asks ” you want a bit of this”?
Dudes really? You think that will entice us?

👰 I don’t miss my husband always viewing me as his princess bride. Always having to make love. Sometimes a girl just wants to be fucked hard and fast like a common whore.

📉 OMG the keeping score. He can tell you how many days it’s been since his dick was wet but can’t remember your birth date????

😷 The farts…. I so don’t miss the nuclear cloud of farts that he insists on sharing…

🚆 You are not a bullet train….. You don’t have to be the fastest. It’s not a race.

⛳️ Every hole is not a goal…….

🙍 I don’t miss the predictability of presents. ” you’re too hard to buy for I don’t know what to get”. You end up giving him a list with the item, the store and the price. You know nothing you get wont be on the list. No surprises, no thought, as I said predictable…….

📎 Sometimes missionary gets a bit boring, but on the other hand trying to do 20 pages out of the kama sutra in one session doesn’t work either. We are not paper clips and some ways your body is just not supposed to bend. Sometimes our legs just don’t go behind our heads….. I guess we will not forget you the next day though when where bitching we can’t walk without pain…….. Lol

🃏OMG! On the odd occasion that you lose your boner or can’t get it up, don’t get angry and pout like a bitch. Sulking and brooding like a child is not a turn on. It happens sometimes, grown up, build a bridge and get over it you pussy.

👹I don’t miss the demon inside him that considers the tv remote “his precious”….

As I said I don’t hate men, I really don’t honestly but it’s just where I am in my life at the moment. I love that my girlfriend is soft to touch, shes in tune with me emotionally and physically. Shes not hairy, doesn’t snore and appreciates me and shares the work load. She can just cuddle…. She can surprise me. She gets me, she cherishes me but most of all she knows me. She loves me unconditionally.

I do however miss the smell of a really good cologne. Ohh nothing better than a good smelling man……