Funny how you change….

I think it’s funny how I’ve changed now that in with a woman.

I don’t mean the essence of me I’m still the same but my actions and thought processes.

For example I was a hairdresser. I love to touch other peoples hair. Weird I know. But anyway we were out at a pub and were introduced to some of justenes friends who happened to be lesbians. Kelly had the most beautiful long curly hair and without thought I just started touching it. When I realized what I was doing I suddenly stopped. Now I’m with a girl and was stroking a lesbians hair felt like I was crossing a line. Like I was going to be accused of hitting on someone else’s girlfriend.
When I was with a man I doubt i would of given it another thought.

The wary mummy mafia at school are another one. I feel like I can’t compliment some of them on their hair or their clothes because now they may think I’m having a crack. Again not an issue if I wasn’t with a woman.

Truth is I don’t see other woman and go sure I’d like to bang that!. I just don’t.

I’m not sure if I’m just being totally paranoid in my own head or if it would be actually perceived this way?

Either way my thought processes have changed and I’m sometimes confused…:

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Two years on…..

Two Years On……

We are two years into our life together.

What a two years it has been…..

Did I think it would last….. Yes I did. I’ve never been so content and self assured in a relationship before. I’ve never had the intimacy, the support or the understanding before. A real genuine partnership where we converse and compromise like adults.

I don’t know if that’s because she’s a woman and wired differently or just because she’s my soul mate.

Either way I’m so glad that I took a chance on everything I considered normal and conforming for society.

Two years on do I now consider myself a lesbian?… No.

I believe I am gender neutral In terms of love. I fell In Love with the best person in the world. She just happened to be a girl….

What a fun exploration in every way that has been…..

The friendship begins to turn…….

So we saw an 80’s night at our local rsl advertised and thought it might be fun. I came over to her house in the arvo to straighten her hair and get ready. I was staying the night and another friend was joining us.

We went and really enjoyed the music, the company and for 2 of us a kid free night. During the night she didn’t leave my side, I didn’t want for a drink, I wasn’t to pay for my dinner, I was protected. I was still oblivious…..
Over the course of our brief friendship so far we had had the conversation about other women. Me ” I’ve tried it, it’s not for me, I just love men”

On the dance floor she gravitated towards the other friend, as I later found out her attraction to me had already started, she didn’t want to make me uncomfortable. When our feet were aching we sat down and were talking crap and people watching. Not sure how the conversation started for the three of us but she was talking about sex with a woman. Her face changed, her demeanour changed, the way she spoke of a woman’s curves, soft skin and emotional connection was intoxicating. It made me wonder why is this girl married to a man? I had a brief thought of what she may look like under the shirt she was wearing. The shift had started…..

I don’t know why but I blurted out to the two of them “I’ve never had an orgasm”. A secret I have never told a soul in my 34 years on earth,
Two jaws hit the floor, their eyes showed pity and utter disbelief.

I wanted to take it back as soon as I’d said it. The other friend started telling us how her husband can make her come over and over again until she squirts. Rub it in thanks for that!

Her eyes never left me…… She kept repeating “are you fucking serious?”. After a few well nobody knows how to please a woman like a woman’s, the obvious biting of her tongue and many more are you serious. I was beginning to feel really stupid for opening my mouth. I felt like the only person on the earth who has never had an orgasm.

She really distanced herself from me from then on but I could feel her stare and the chemistry had changed. When we got home we chatted and went to bed. I heard her husband go to work and got up to use the bathroom. Her bedroom door was open and I stood for a moment watching her sleep. She was beautiful. As I laid there unable to sleep all I wanted was for her to wrap herself around me and hold me, wtf? She’s a she? On the other hand I was terrified that she would……….

The next day was different. Not awkward but the words not being spoken were felt. I didn’t want to leave but I did……